Unbroken Family

As I was washing the dishes this morning trying to think about what to write for this week's entry, I thought about my family. I think my family came to mind because next weekend, they are coming to my house to celebrate the birthdays of my niece and myself. We always get together to celebrate all our birthdays which I believe is not a common practice for many families. Fortunately, we all get along for the most part but it wasn't always that way in the past.

Let me give you some background on my family. My parents divorced when I was sixteen. Initially, both my parents were hesitant to divorce because of my sisters and I. They had four daughters to consider. But because my sisters and I knew how unhappy they were with each other, we encouraged them to divorce. Thank god they listened to us because they were making us so stressed and miserable. Hence, we became one of those broken families which seem to be more common nowadays. My sisters and I stayed with our dad because my mom felt that he was in a better financial position to take care of us. But we visited our mom often since she found an apartment near us.

My mom and dad were on yelling terms especially when my stepmother came along and lived with us. It was uncomfortable to hear criticisms from your mom about your dad and vice versa. My sisters and I just listened and didn't take sides. However, when my eldest sister was about to get married, the day of her wedding rehearsal, I believe my parents realized that they had to get along if they wanted to maintain some sort of family. Also, I'm sure they were thinking about future grandchildren. Once they decided that they were going to put their bad feelings aside and make the family a priority, our family became closely knit. It didn't happen immediately but gradually through the years and with much effort. Before we knew it, our family became unbroken. My mom remarried but never had more kids. My dad remarried and had two more daughters.

Because of what happened to my family, it made me realize early on that the definition of a family is not restricted to blood relations. A family is a unit of people who love and care about each other whether they are a couple and their close friends, a married couple with a few dogs, adoptive parents and their child as was the case with Augustine, etc. A family does not have to consist of only the traditional husband, wife and children.

When a married couple with kids decide to divorce, ordinarily the mother gets the kids, even though that didn't happen with my sisters and I. My mother's decision to have us live with my dad was for our best interest. It was a selfless act on her part. As we got older, my mother's decision proved to be the right choice for my sisters and I as we were able to finish our education and become independent, responsible individuals. When I was younger, I never even thought about why we didn't live with my mom. I think it was because my sisters and I never felt that our mother neither loved nor wanted us. She always made it a point to see us or call when she hadn't heard from us.

This made me think about married couples with dogs. Who gets the dog if both are attached to it? Does the couple get alternate weekends or does the dog go to the most responsible, financially stable one? I would assume that dogs are treated similar to children with regards to visitation rights without the child support...or do they give "doggie support" also? I wonder...

I really don't know of a married couple who had a dog and decided to divorce. But I do know of a few couples who lived together and shared a dog. Normally, the person who owned the dog before they became a couple kept the dog after the separation. There's a couple that I'm thinking of who lived together and had two dogs. The girlfriend of the couple had a female dog before her boyfriend decided to live with her. They were together for five years in which time they had gotten engaged but never set a date for the wedding. During the fourth year of their relationship, they went to the pound to get another dog to keep the older female dog company. They ended up getting a male dog who blended so well with their family. Unfortunately, the relationship fizzled which gradually happened over the last year. The boyfriend moved out and took the male dog since they had more of a bond. However, every once in awhile the ex-girlfriend would set play dates to see the male dog who she missed very much. Because the older female missed the male dog also, the ex-girlfriend ended up getting another male dog.

I had told Augustine what I was writing about for this week's blog and asked him who he thought should have the dogs if we were to separate. Before he answered me, I told him that I would have all the dogs. And, he agreed.

"Really? Why would you say that?" I asked. I was surprised that he would agree so readily. "Wouldn't you want any of the dogs?"

"Of course, I do," he said. "But you notice things about them that I don't see."

He was right. Augustine doesn't touch the dogs the way I do. I know every bump and abnormality that my dogs have on their body. I pay closer attention to their body language so that I know when they need to go potty, not feeling well, etc. Augustine doesn't notice any of that.

"Would you visit them?" I asked.

"Of course I would. They are my babies too," he said simply.

What I forgot to ask was if he would pay "doggie" support, not that I would ask for it. But I was curious to hear what he would say. He'd probably give me his look that said, "Are you kidding me?"

Even though dogs experience grief and can get stressed from adjusting to just having one human parent, I don't think it's to the same extent to what a child or teenager may feel. I think dogs are so much more adaptable than children of divorced parents. It helps that they are focused on the present that the past doesn't really do much damage to them emotionally. I think what helped my sisters and I was that we were in our late teens and we had each other. Before my parents divorced, my sisters and I weren't very close. But afterwards, we leaned on each other for support which brought us closer together. I know that dogs have the same behavior of supporting each other within the family whether or not they came from the same litter.

In a way, people don't truly see their dogs as children because you never hear people say, "Oh yeah, we're staying together because of George, our pug." They would just divorce and may use poor George as leverage for something which would be similar to using kids to get something from the other person. However, people do stay in unhappy marriages for the sake of their kids. They think it's a sacrifice they have to make for the good of the kids. But they don't realize that they are showing their kids that it's okay to stay in an unhealthy relationship where one or both parents are miserable, distant or cold with each other. What kind of role model is that for a relationship? Even if the parents pretended that things were great between them, kids can see right through the pretense. They know the truth even though they may not want to admit it. How healthy is that for the kids? No one benefits in that situation.

But is it really for the kids that parents don't want to divorce or because of their own fear of change and they just use their kids as an excuse? Change is scary. Based on my experience, the kids don't get any "good" from unhappy parents who stay together. What they do get is uncertainty and wariness. My sisters and I felt and saw what the unhappiness did to my mom more than my dad. We had to be so cautious of our behavior when our parents were around each other. It was dreadful. I am sure it affected my sisters and I in different ways since we all perceive and interpret situations in our own way. But hearing and witnessing your parents argue frequently right in front of you is just awful. Gosh, it's the reason I waited so long to marry because I wasn't sure if I wanted to be in a marriage.

People change. Circumstances change. The only thing that stays constant is change. When I was younger, I would hear about people I knew whose parents were divorcing, and I used to think it was terrible. But as I matured and heard my friends talk about divorce, my only question was "Will you be happier?" If so, then get a divorce. The world won't end. Okay, I am not advocating to get a divorce immediately because I do believe in working hard at a marriage. However, if one or both are unwilling to work things out and there's much unhappiness, it's better to separate before things in the marriage become nastier. I truly believe that if the parents are happier divorcing each other, it will automatically trickle down to the children. Yes, kids always want their parents to stay together even though they know that their parents are wretched together but I think that's part of their immaturity. With dogs, they are happy when their owner is happy. It's so much easier to deal with them during a separation.

Sadly, sometimes unhappiness breeds anger and/or resentment in a marriage. I've seen it with my mom, my sisters, and friends who were married. Why put yourself through that? Life is too short to be harboring so much negativity. "The kids! What about the kids?!!," you say. Well, kids really need to know that, no matter what, you love them, you will be there for them, you will continue to provide guidance, discipline and structure for them. You are still a parent regardless of a separation. That is what my parents figured out on the eve of my sister's wedding which allowed them to put aside their differences and were there for my sisters and I. I cannot recall a time when either of my parents were not there for me in childhood or adulthood.

Love your dog. If you don't have one, adopt or save one. A dog is part of the family, and when a family breaks apart, a dog's life, like a child's, is disrupted from what it knows of its home life. Depending on who gets the dog, that person needs to give the same love, attention, guidance and discipline in order to maintain normalcy for a better transition to a new life. This is what you would do for children of divorced parents as well. Unfortunately, some parents become so engrossed in their own emotional issues they cannot see past them. Consequently, they fail to meet the needs of their child causing more harm in that respect than the divorce itself. Fortunately, children and dogs are resilient. They can adapt to changes with the help of their parents. A family can always be redefined and become "unbroken". It is a matter of making the family a priority.

Thank you for reading my weekly blog. Any comments are welcomed.

Good Enough

Even though I've been back in Los Angeles for over a week, my internal clock thinks I'm still in New York. I've been waking up so early in the morning whether or not I want to that I've been exhausted. Today was actually the first day I got to do nothing but rest and reflect on what has happened to me in the last couple of weeks. I want to share what I experienced in New York at the Lincoln Center where I did my training because when I came back I truly felt an apparent shift in my energy and consciousness. I don't know if any of you have ever experienced that feeling of knowing that you have changed.

I really didn't know what to expect when I first got to the Lincoln Center except that being in the Bronx, I knew that I would be meeting and seeing some interesting characters. And, yes, there were plenty of different people that I would not normally find either in my human or animal practice. But being exposed to a certain population stretched me as an individual and practitioner for which I was very grateful.

Everyday for a week I was with addicts who were either in recovery, struggling to stay clean or in relapse. But despite their own situation, they were very supportive of each other, had an overall positive attitude and respectful of the staff and us, the trainees giving acupuncture to them. The Lincoln Center, which is an outpatient facility for addicts, gave a structured, organized setting with rules that the patients had to follow in order to continue treatment. I was surprised to see how well the patients adhered to the rules. Through observation, I realized these patients were just people. Unfortunately, there are many people who have a preconceived idea about addicts because of their behavior, appearance, associations, lifestyles, etc. They forget that addicts are people too who just happen to have an addiction and a different mindset.

There was this video that the trainees had to watch where Dr. Michael Smith, the director of the Lincoln Center, compared addicts to adolescents. I was fascinated by the comparison and didn't fully see the truth behind it until I started working on the patients. Dr. Smith had said that addicts like adolescents were insecure, wanted the approval from others, magnified reality amongst other things. Since addicts are similar to adolescents, it is important to have structure and rules for them because it provides a sense of safety and control from knowing what to expect. For the most part, safety and control are things they don't have in their own personal life.

A feeling of insecurity can be a monster in itself. Addicts become insecure because they do not like themselves. Their addictive behavior has negatively transformed them. With adolescents, they are insecure because they are still trying to figure out who they are. But both seek and want approval from others to make themselves feel better about who they are. They have yet to learn that they need to like themselves first and then find the security within themselves which will consequently dissolve their other issues.

With the feeling of insecurity, the issue of low self worth seems to go hand in hand. The question "Am I good enough?" is in the back of their minds. Many of the patients believe that they are not "good enough" which causes them to resort to their addictive behavior to feel numb or to escape from their own body since they are so uncomfortable with themselves. Sadly, a number of them have either been physically, verbally or sexually abused which further distorts their sense of self and image. Non-addicts with insecurity problems have better coping skills and choose a less harmful way to deal with their insecurities.

With regards to dogs concerning this topic, it made me think of Morpheus. Dogs also get insecure and there are causes for it but sometimes the insecurity is there for no apparent reason. I remember when the animal communicator talked to Morpheus. Morpheus' previous owner lived in a half-way house and couldn't keep him. I found out about Morpheus through my sister Dal, who also brought Ripley into my life. Morpheus was only four months old when I brought him home unbeknownst to Augustine. At the age of five, Morpheus had told the animal communicator that no matter what he did for his previous owner, he felt that he wasn't good enough and therefore felt insecure about himself because of it. He said he never felt loved with his previous owner. Isn't it amazing that a four month old pup would have that feeling?

But, the first time I touched Morpheus, he said that he knew what love was finally. I am always so astonished as to the intelligence of dogs. To be able to perceive what love is just from a touch is incredible to me. After what Morpheus had said to the animal communicator, I often made it a point to tell Morpheus about the first time I saw him. I would tell him that I fell in love with him as soon as I saw him walking behind his previous owner. "I knew you would be my little boy," I would say to him. "You're the best and I'm so grateful you came into my life." When I tell him the story of our first meeting and how I felt, I can see in his eyes that he too is recalling the time. Wouldn't it be wonderful for us humans to know that we are loved just from a single touch? I am certain that there are people so attuned with the energy within and around them that they are able to identify love from a mere touch. Unfortunately, if the average person were to recognize love, she would probably talk herself into believing that it wasn't love since we humans have a tendency to over analyze simplicity leading us to distrust what we feel.

Fortunately for Morpheus, he got over his insecurity. However, our receptionist at the vet hospital has a dog named Trekker who can't seem to get past his insecurity. Trekker is a great example of those dogs who have insecurities for no obvious reason. No matter how much love and positive rewards or reinforcements he gets, he remains insecure. I don't understand it because he is such a sweet, intelligent dog. The owner has had him since he was a pup and cannot think of any incident that would cause his insecurity. I supposed as there are people who are inherently insecure and have a difficult time feeling completely confident of themselves, there are dogs with the same issue.

When I was in my late twenties early thirties, I was insecure about myself. I got over it after I finished acupuncture school. I finally felt happy and complete with myself. And, I really liked who I had become. Not many people can say that about themselves. Being able to treat the patients with acupuncture made me feel especially good at the Lincoln Center since the patients truly wanted the treatment and attributed their ability to function better because of the acupuncture. It was extraordinary to witness what five needles per ear can do for a person. For the patients, it made them realize that they can feel good on their own, and feeling good is a start in the right direction. The direction that will lead to feeling comfortable with themselves to eventually liking the person they are.

Knowing how tough it is to deal with one's insecurities made me feel more compassion for these addicts. I know that they can be very manipulative and will tell you whatever you want to hear if they can get something out of it. Most addicts are smart and observant which help them maintain their habit. But beyond that, they are, as I said before, just people. I was able to see a part of myself in the patients that I treated as they struggled to deal with their insecurities and the consequences of them. Isn't that what allows us to have compassion? If we can see ourselves in someone else, then we are able to have compassion for that person because it gives us an understanding and a connection to that person. This is what I got from my experience at the Lincoln Center. How can a person not change with that awareness?

Despite the insecurities that dogs may have, they are overall happy without much effort. It seems quite the opposite for addicts. They have to work hard at attaining some sort of happiness in their lives. However, just like dogs, addicts learn to find happiness in the simplest things in life like having a meal or a nice bed to sleep on.

Love your dog. If you don't have one, adopt or save one. Then, remember the feeling of being not "good enough" can be the root of a dog's or a person's insecurity which can grow into something so unmanageable that it creates a skewed perception of self leading to unhappiness. All people are basically the same. What makes them different is the choices they make which can lead to great or terrible outcomes. However, it's the lessons we learn from our choices that are important. Of course, for dogs, it's the human parents who make the choices for them. Unfortunately, there are some dog owners who don't always make the right choices for their dogs mostly because they are thinking about what they want instead of what the dog wants or needs. Regardless, we are all "good enough" and deserve the best in life. Finally, open yourself to other people you may not ordinarily associate with and you may just see a part of yourself in them. When that happens, you too will have the energetic shift that I experienced from my training in New York.

Thank you for visiting my weekly blog. Any comments are welcomed.

The Bright Side

It is so true that when things go bad, they just get worst sometimes, and the only thing you can do is stay positive and look at the bright side. I am compelled to share the experience I have had in the last twenty-four hours. Yesterday morning started out wonderfully. I woke up early, ran four miles on the treadmill and got ready for work. It was my day working with the doggie patients. I was completely booked since I was scheduled to fly to New York the following day, today. The morning was great. I saw my favorite doggie couple client who kindly gave me a week's worth of snacks for my trip. It was a sweet surprise. Thank you guys!

During my lunch, I checked my phone messages and was horrified to find that my flight was cancelled. After being on hold for fifteen minutes, I finally got to speak with a customer representative who told me that my flight was cancelled due to bad weather. Apparently, this particular airline knew in advance that there would be fog in New York at three-thirty in the afternoon when I was scheduled to arrive. So, I had a choice. Fly out of Long Beach Airport Saturday night and arrive at six in the morning in New York or fly out of LAX late Sunday night and get to New York early Monday morning. The latter was not an option since I was scheduled to start work at seven-thirty Monday morning. The obvious choice was flying out last night.

Because I had to be in Long Beach before seven in the evening and was only half packed, I had to leave the vet hospital early which meant I had to cancel my last three doggie patients. I felt extremely bad doing that but it was an emergency. I had to be in New York today. It was the first time I have had to do that.

Needless to say, I raced out of the vet hospital after my last patient and managed to speed well below eighty miles per hour in getting home. When I got home, I was like the Tasmanian Devil, tearing through the house to get things done. Augustine, who was at rehearsal, came home early so that he could take me to the airport. On the way home, he picked up some Thai food for me since I hadn't eaten. Well, the people at the Thai restaurant gave Augustine the wrong dish, but I ate it anyway since I was starving.

The whole time I was rushing around, my three dogs were looking at me anxiously especially Morpheus. He got so worried his stomach started gurgling. My heart just sank as soon as I heard it because I knew what he was feeling. After I had ran that morning, I had told him and Elektra that I would "spend some special time" with them since I was going to be gone for a week. They seemed so happy to hear that that both just started licking my face which told me they understood. So, having to leave that night caused a lot of stress for everyone. It's interesting to see how your dogs react when they know you're leaving. Elektra was following me around with a frown on her face. She was more sad than anxious. Ripley, on the other hand, was just observing me. She was bothered but kept it cool until I had to go.

After Augustine had put my luggage and carry-on in the car, he said, "Okay, let's go," which immediately gave me a minor anxiety attack.

"My dogs!" I exclaimed. "I need to say good-bye to them." As soon as I said that, Ripley rushed to me and wanted me to pick her up. I knew she was bottling her emotions. She wanted to come with me. So, I picked her up and said, "Oh Dew, I can't bring you with me. I wish I could." I kissed her several times and slowly rocked her as she cooed. Gently, I put her down and went over to Morpheus. By this time, Morpheus' expression was one of reluctant acceptance. He knew that he could neither stop me from going nor come with me, so he held his head down which I put between my hands and kissed his entire head. "I'll be back soon, my boy," I said.

Elektra had hung back and was watching me. I walked over to her and said, "You know I'll see you soon. I'm coming back. Mom's not leaving you." I massaged her orbital ridge, contouring around her eyes and down to her muzzle. She loves it when I do that. Then, I proceeded to kiss the top and sides of her muzzle. That seemed to satisfy her because her eyes softened and I sensed relief on her part.

During my good-byes, Augustine had gone outside to wait. He knew I needed my time with my babies. I miss them already. Before I walked out the door, I shouted, "I love you guys sooo much!!!" Then shut the door.

The bright side of leaving my dogs? There is none unless you count the thought of coming back to them...I take that back. The bright side IS Augustine will be there for them to cling on until I return. But, I could kick myself for forgetting to bring the picture frame with their picture in it which I had intended to put on the night stand next to my bed at the hotel. I supposed I could look at the pictures of them in my cell phone but it wouldn't be the same. I wouldn't be able to see their faces conveniently before and after I went to bed.

Even the initial drive to Long Beach Airport was somewhat upsetting. In my hurriedness to pack, I completely forgot to get directions to Long Beach Airport. Neither Augustine nor I were familiar with how to get there. Thank god for cell phones and sisters. I started out calling my sister Rowena, who lives in Long Beach, hoping to get directions. My call went directly to voicemail. So, I called my younger sister Dal. No answer. Finally, I called my eldest sister Jennifer in San Diego and was so relieved when she picked up the phone. She quickly gave me directions and wished me luck.

Okay, things were good again, or so I thought. A few minutes later, the car started making a rattling sound. "What the heck is that?" I asked Augustine. Instantly, I visualized the car breaking down on the freeway and me missing my flight. As quickly as that image came to my mind, I dismissed it. I did not want it to come true. "Oh god, please help me," I whispered silently. I couldn't believe what was happening.

"I don't know what that is," said Augustine. "I've never heard it before. I think something got caught in there."

I couldn't help but picture a rat gradually being torn apart causing that odd noise in the car. The reason I thought of a rat immediately was one had gotten into the same car a year ago. The rat had chewed away something related to the brakes. However, as we approached the airport, the sound had diminished, and I told Augustine, "I think the rat is nearly shredded." I took that as I sign that my aggravation was coming to an end, which was almost true.

The flight to Salt Lake City, where I had an hour stop over, was bumpy but not as turbulent as the flight to New York City. At that point, I didn't care anymore. Just get me to New York, I thought. And because I could not sleep, I felt like a drugged bloodhound with an extra droopy face that was becoming numb due to fatigue and stress. But, on the bright side, the flights were on time and I didn't have to run to the gate for my connecting flight because the same plane was used to get to New York. Very cool.

My last assault of the last twenty-four hours was the insane taxi fare from JFK Airport to my hotel. The total amounted to ONE HUNDRED TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS!!! I was caught breathless as if someone literally squeezed all the oxygen AND the carbon dioxide from my lungs. Do these people not know we're in a recession??? I had to calm myself down and tell myself, "Look at the bright side. It's a business write off!" That will be my mantra this coming week since I chose not to rent a car and will neither take the train nor subway down to the Bronx.

I got this idea of looking at "the bright side" when I was waiting to depart from Long Beach Airport since there were many distressing things that had happened. I thought, if it were one of my dogs like Morpheus, how would he react to all these annoyances that continued to happen? I realized that he would always look at the bright side of the situation since he is such a positive being. Yes, my dogs were bummed that I left, but I am guessing that as soon as I closed the door behind me, they were cheering, "Yay, she said she loved us!!!" They are amazing in how they can maintain such a happy state which implies that they focus on the positive. They live in the now. It is the only place to be. The past is gone and the future is but our imagination, which is what Eckart Tolle professes. Thank god for dogs. Thank god for MY dogs! They continue to teach me through their own behavior.

Love your dog. If you don't have one, adopt or save one. Then, look at the big picture when life is throwing wrenches and screws along your path and you find yourself stressing about it. Consider what your dog would do. Most likely, he will give a big bark, maneuver his way through his obstacles, and move on cheerfully. He lives in the now and knows how to appreciate it. In the panoramic view of life, what happened to me in the last twenty-four hours was just an irritation that happens to everyone, and the best way to respond to it is to let it pass through you instead of having it stuck on you. That's what a dog would do. As it turned out, everything was for the better. I was glad to arrive here in New York that early. It allowed me to walk around the neighborhood where my hotel is located. I was able to take a short nap. Best of all, it gave me the time to write this week's blog. Finally, watch and learn from your loving dog. A nuisance to him last but a moment. Thank dog!...I mean, god.

Thank you for visiting my weekly blog. Any comments are appreciated and welcomed.