Good Enough

Even though I've been back in Los Angeles for over a week, my internal clock thinks I'm still in New York. I've been waking up so early in the morning whether or not I want to that I've been exhausted. Today was actually the first day I got to do nothing but rest and reflect on what has happened to me in the last couple of weeks. I want to share what I experienced in New York at the Lincoln Center where I did my training because when I came back I truly felt an apparent shift in my energy and consciousness. I don't know if any of you have ever experienced that feeling of knowing that you have changed.

I really didn't know what to expect when I first got to the Lincoln Center except that being in the Bronx, I knew that I would be meeting and seeing some interesting characters. And, yes, there were plenty of different people that I would not normally find either in my human or animal practice. But being exposed to a certain population stretched me as an individual and practitioner for which I was very grateful.

Everyday for a week I was with addicts who were either in recovery, struggling to stay clean or in relapse. But despite their own situation, they were very supportive of each other, had an overall positive attitude and respectful of the staff and us, the trainees giving acupuncture to them. The Lincoln Center, which is an outpatient facility for addicts, gave a structured, organized setting with rules that the patients had to follow in order to continue treatment. I was surprised to see how well the patients adhered to the rules. Through observation, I realized these patients were just people. Unfortunately, there are many people who have a preconceived idea about addicts because of their behavior, appearance, associations, lifestyles, etc. They forget that addicts are people too who just happen to have an addiction and a different mindset.

There was this video that the trainees had to watch where Dr. Michael Smith, the director of the Lincoln Center, compared addicts to adolescents. I was fascinated by the comparison and didn't fully see the truth behind it until I started working on the patients. Dr. Smith had said that addicts like adolescents were insecure, wanted the approval from others, magnified reality amongst other things. Since addicts are similar to adolescents, it is important to have structure and rules for them because it provides a sense of safety and control from knowing what to expect. For the most part, safety and control are things they don't have in their own personal life.

A feeling of insecurity can be a monster in itself. Addicts become insecure because they do not like themselves. Their addictive behavior has negatively transformed them. With adolescents, they are insecure because they are still trying to figure out who they are. But both seek and want approval from others to make themselves feel better about who they are. They have yet to learn that they need to like themselves first and then find the security within themselves which will consequently dissolve their other issues.

With the feeling of insecurity, the issue of low self worth seems to go hand in hand. The question "Am I good enough?" is in the back of their minds. Many of the patients believe that they are not "good enough" which causes them to resort to their addictive behavior to feel numb or to escape from their own body since they are so uncomfortable with themselves. Sadly, a number of them have either been physically, verbally or sexually abused which further distorts their sense of self and image. Non-addicts with insecurity problems have better coping skills and choose a less harmful way to deal with their insecurities.

With regards to dogs concerning this topic, it made me think of Morpheus. Dogs also get insecure and there are causes for it but sometimes the insecurity is there for no apparent reason. I remember when the animal communicator talked to Morpheus. Morpheus' previous owner lived in a half-way house and couldn't keep him. I found out about Morpheus through my sister Dal, who also brought Ripley into my life. Morpheus was only four months old when I brought him home unbeknownst to Augustine. At the age of five, Morpheus had told the animal communicator that no matter what he did for his previous owner, he felt that he wasn't good enough and therefore felt insecure about himself because of it. He said he never felt loved with his previous owner. Isn't it amazing that a four month old pup would have that feeling?

But, the first time I touched Morpheus, he said that he knew what love was finally. I am always so astonished as to the intelligence of dogs. To be able to perceive what love is just from a touch is incredible to me. After what Morpheus had said to the animal communicator, I often made it a point to tell Morpheus about the first time I saw him. I would tell him that I fell in love with him as soon as I saw him walking behind his previous owner. "I knew you would be my little boy," I would say to him. "You're the best and I'm so grateful you came into my life." When I tell him the story of our first meeting and how I felt, I can see in his eyes that he too is recalling the time. Wouldn't it be wonderful for us humans to know that we are loved just from a single touch? I am certain that there are people so attuned with the energy within and around them that they are able to identify love from a mere touch. Unfortunately, if the average person were to recognize love, she would probably talk herself into believing that it wasn't love since we humans have a tendency to over analyze simplicity leading us to distrust what we feel.

Fortunately for Morpheus, he got over his insecurity. However, our receptionist at the vet hospital has a dog named Trekker who can't seem to get past his insecurity. Trekker is a great example of those dogs who have insecurities for no obvious reason. No matter how much love and positive rewards or reinforcements he gets, he remains insecure. I don't understand it because he is such a sweet, intelligent dog. The owner has had him since he was a pup and cannot think of any incident that would cause his insecurity. I supposed as there are people who are inherently insecure and have a difficult time feeling completely confident of themselves, there are dogs with the same issue.

When I was in my late twenties early thirties, I was insecure about myself. I got over it after I finished acupuncture school. I finally felt happy and complete with myself. And, I really liked who I had become. Not many people can say that about themselves. Being able to treat the patients with acupuncture made me feel especially good at the Lincoln Center since the patients truly wanted the treatment and attributed their ability to function better because of the acupuncture. It was extraordinary to witness what five needles per ear can do for a person. For the patients, it made them realize that they can feel good on their own, and feeling good is a start in the right direction. The direction that will lead to feeling comfortable with themselves to eventually liking the person they are.

Knowing how tough it is to deal with one's insecurities made me feel more compassion for these addicts. I know that they can be very manipulative and will tell you whatever you want to hear if they can get something out of it. Most addicts are smart and observant which help them maintain their habit. But beyond that, they are, as I said before, just people. I was able to see a part of myself in the patients that I treated as they struggled to deal with their insecurities and the consequences of them. Isn't that what allows us to have compassion? If we can see ourselves in someone else, then we are able to have compassion for that person because it gives us an understanding and a connection to that person. This is what I got from my experience at the Lincoln Center. How can a person not change with that awareness?

Despite the insecurities that dogs may have, they are overall happy without much effort. It seems quite the opposite for addicts. They have to work hard at attaining some sort of happiness in their lives. However, just like dogs, addicts learn to find happiness in the simplest things in life like having a meal or a nice bed to sleep on.

Love your dog. If you don't have one, adopt or save one. Then, remember the feeling of being not "good enough" can be the root of a dog's or a person's insecurity which can grow into something so unmanageable that it creates a skewed perception of self leading to unhappiness. All people are basically the same. What makes them different is the choices they make which can lead to great or terrible outcomes. However, it's the lessons we learn from our choices that are important. Of course, for dogs, it's the human parents who make the choices for them. Unfortunately, there are some dog owners who don't always make the right choices for their dogs mostly because they are thinking about what they want instead of what the dog wants or needs. Regardless, we are all "good enough" and deserve the best in life. Finally, open yourself to other people you may not ordinarily associate with and you may just see a part of yourself in them. When that happens, you too will have the energetic shift that I experienced from my training in New York.

Thank you for visiting my weekly blog. Any comments are welcomed.